Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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