this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
