Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
