Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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