We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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