Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
