Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
