Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Operation Purity has been aborted
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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