I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
