do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize