You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
