it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
