The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
