Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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