i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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