I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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