sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Houston, we have a blender
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
