You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize