No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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