she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
