just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
