I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
