btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
