Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
