I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
