some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize
