Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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