i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
