I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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