I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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