i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
