my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
