you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
