I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
