I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
