they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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