I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
