When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
