You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
