I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
