are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
