I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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