Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
