She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
