Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
