So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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