how can u be prego again
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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