Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thank you for not boning my boss.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
