I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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