God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
