Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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