He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize