Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
