Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
