i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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