I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize