Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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