She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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