Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
