I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
