Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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