I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
