That's when you crack a 10am beer
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
