i think my tv is drunk
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
