yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i think my cat just said my name.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
