I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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