i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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