I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need a beard to bite.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
