turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
