cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
