Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
